i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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