i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize