Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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