i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
