Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
