sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
