The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
True college students do jello shots in the library
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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