there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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