Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
