Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
im drinking this country out of the recession.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize