Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
