No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
