You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
