Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
