I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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