You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
My hand turned me down
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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