Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
