I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
