im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
