I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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