i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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