Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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