I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize
