it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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