He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
