Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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