I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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