i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
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