I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
