Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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