Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
