I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
