Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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