I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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