Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
