is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
