I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize