everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
