Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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