Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
