Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
