fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize