Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
