first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
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