I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
