So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
