She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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