worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You made out with two different species that night
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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