Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
