My brain says no but my pants say off.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
