Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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