sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
