He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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