he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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