...so i touched it.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You dont lie about slip and slides
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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