Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
