She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
