When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
