She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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