speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
