Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
