i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
worst night to have a conscience
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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