Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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