I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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