THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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