he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
