So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
