i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
