I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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