Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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