You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
