i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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