oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
