listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
